Thursday / Friday November 5 and 4 rewriting leads

We are continuing with lead practice, so as to refine your skills and help with critically analyzing leads, the objective being to help you write a better news story. Take your time and read carefully. There are a total of 14 leads that need rewriting. Each section focuses on a different obstacle in writing an effective lead. 

As usual, send along. Due Friday, November 6 by midnight.

Condensing Lengthy Leads

Condense each of these leads to no more than two typed lines, or about 20 words.

1. 1. Roger Datolli, 67, of 845 Conway Road, a retired attorney and husband of Mayor Sabrina Datolli, who is serving her fourth term as mayor, was injured in a three-vehicle accident Thursday afternoon around 3:20 p.m. at the intersection of Warren and Davidson avenues, suffering a broken leg and several broken ribs when the car he was driving was struck broadside by a pickup truck driven by Jerry R. Harris, 31, of 2245 Broadway Ave., and then was pushed into the path of another vehicle.

1. 2. The city Planning and Zoning Commission met Thursday for its regularly scheduled  meeting and voted 3-2 to approve a joint plan by the citys Council of Government and the local Chamber of Commerce to renovate the core downtown business district by building a convention center and sports arena complex that will serve as a site for business meetings and conferences as well as possibly host a minor league hockey team on the Olympic-size ice rink planned for the site.

Using The Proper Sentence Structure

Rewrite the following leads, using the normal word order: subject, verb, direct object. Avoid starting the leads with a long clause or phrase. You may want to divide some of the leads into several sentences or paragraphs. Correct all errors.

1. 1. Wondering whether or not it was legally possible and if they could muster enough votes to support their desire to see changes implemented in the downtown historic section of the city, city council members Sandra Gandolf and Alice Cycler at the regular monthly city council meeting raised the issue of having the city's planning and zoning commission look into the possibility of creating a local board to oversee changes to buildings within the six-block downtown historic district.

1. 2. Because the victim contributed in large measure to his own death by refusing medical attention that might have saved his life after the incident, James K. Arico, the 47-year-old man accused of stabbing him in the chest during an argument seven months ago, was allowed to plead guilty to assault today and was sentenced to six months in the county jail. He had been charged with murder.

Emphasizing The News

Rewrite the following leads, emphasizing the news, not the attribution. Limit the attributions to a few words and place them at the end, not the beginning, of the leads.

1. 1. At a news conference held at the Department of Energy in Washington, D.C., Monday afternoon the head of the agency told reporters that the Senate's approval of a plan to dump nuclear waste material in the Nevada desert near Las Vegas  will provide a safe haven for  more than 77,000 tons of radioactive waste.

1. 2. Tracy Tibitts, Lisa Drolshagen and Dorothy Brayton, all members of the Delta Delta Delta sorority at Iowa State University, appeared in a local courtroom this morning and testified that the defendant, Steven House, appeared drunk when he got into his car to leave the party moments before he struck and killed the pedestrian.

Combining Multi sentence Leads

Rewrite each of the following leads in a single sentence, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. Mildred Berg, the former president of City College, is a professor of economics at the college now. Berg got a call Monday from David DeBecker, president of the Harrison County Board of Education. BeDecker offered Berg the job of superintendent of Harrison County Schools, a position Berg interviewed for two months ago.

1. 2. At 10:41 a.m., two police detectives saw two men enter Barneys Liquor Mart in the Oak Hill Shopping Center. The shopping center is located in the 1300 block of Oak Hill Avenue. The men were acting suspiciously. When the detectives entered the store to investigate, they saw one of the men pointing a gun at the clerk and the other taking money from the register. The officers pulled their weapons and shot the man with the gun. There have been seven robberies at the shopping center in the past month.

Stressing The Unusual

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. Terri Snow of 3418 Hazel St. is a nurse at Mercy Hospital. She is married to Dale Snow, a former eighth-grade science teacher at Mays Junior High School. Snow was crippled after a diving accident three years ago, when his arms and legs were paralyzed. He met his wife at the hospital, where he was a patient, and they were married last month. Now state officials have suggested that they get a divorce. Before his marriage, Snow received $345 a month from the states Department of Social Services and a monthly $792 federal Supplemental Security Income payment. Because of his wife's income, he is no longer eligible for the payments, and the couple says without the payments they cannot afford to pay for Snows continuing medical treatments and special diet. State officials have advised them that Snow will again become eligible for the aid if they get a divorce. The officials refused to talk to reporters, however.

1. 2. Cremation is rising in popularity. Nearly 30 percent of the people who die in your state are now cremated. The Funeral Directors Association in your state met at noon yesterday and discussed a growing problem. The ashes of nearly 50 percent of those people they cremate are never claimed by family members, friends or anyone else, so they are stored in the funeral homes, and the directors want to dispose of them but are uncertain of their legal right to do so. They voted to ask the state legislature to pass a bill that spells out disposal procedures. The bill they propose would require funeral homes to make every effort to settle with the family of the deceased the desired disposal method. Families would have up to 90 days to pick up the remains or to specify what they want done with them. After 90 days, the funeral homes would be free to get rid of them either by burying them, even in a common container (in a properly designated cemetery) or by scattering them at sea or in a garden, forest or pond.

Localizing Your Lead

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. The state Department of Transportation today announced plans for next year. It will spend a total of $418 million to build new roads and to improve old ones. The amount represents a $14.5 million increase over last years total. The money comes from a state gasoline tax amounting to 4 cents per gallon sold. The department allocates the money on the basis of need, with the most congested and dangerous areas receiving the most help. Included in the allocations for next year are $17.8 million, allocated to widen from two to four lanes state highway 17-92, which runs through the southeastern part of your city for a distance of approximately three miles. Construction work on the highway project is expected to begin in four months and to be completed within one and one-half years.

1. 2.Three persons have been killed in the crash of a single-engine plane. Police have identified the victims as Mr. and Mrs. Joel Skurow of Atlanta, Georgia, and Melville Skurow of 4138 Hennessy Court in your community. Joel and Melville are brothers. The plane, flown by Joel, crashed on the outskirts of Atlanta at 7:30 a.m. today. Cause of the crash is unknown. No one on the ground was injured. Friends said Melville Skurow was visiting his brother, an attorney in Atlanta. Skurow is a carpenter and was thirty-seven years of age. The plane, valued at $34,800, was fully insured.

Updating Your Lead

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. William MacDowell, 28, a house painter who lives at 1429 Highland Drive, is being tried for the murder of a cocktail waitress, Ethel Shearer. His trial opened last Thursday, and witnesses last Friday said a ring found in MacDowells home belonged to the murder victim. MacDowell took the stand today and said he knew the victim and had bought the ring from her for $60 for a girlfriend. If convicted, MacDowell could be sentenced to life in prison. He is currently on parole after spending 8 years in prison on an armed robbery charge.

1. 2. There was a grinding head-on collision on Cheney Road yesterday. Two persons were killed: Rosemary Brennan, 27, and her infant daughter, Kelley, age 2, both of 1775 Nairn Dr. The driver of the second car involved in the accident, Anthony Murray, 17, of 1748 North 3 Street, was seriously injured, with multiple fractures. Police today announced that laboratory tests have confirmed the fact that Brennan was legally drunk at the time of the accident.