Friday, November 13 practice writing a story from reporter's notes

Begin by reading the above image, noting the placement and length of the lead, facts, transition and quotes. Then please  read the following information on leads. Take your time and compare the flawed leads to those that are better, for these are the criteria upon which your own news story will be assessed.

 When you have finished, there are two sets of reporter's notes.

Please rewrite the stories, beginning with an

 effective lead.

1.       Avoid overcrowding the lead.

Crowded MORTON -- Grant Zorn, state trooper who investigated the crash at 3 a.m. Sunday resulting in the deaths of three Morton youths, said at an inquest Friday that William C. Libolt of Chillicothe, whose car ran over Larry, 7, and Martin, 19, told him he did not see Martin until he was directly in front of him, that he did not realize he was a person, but thought he was part of the car from which he had been thrown, and that he did not know he had run into him.

Better MORTON -- The driver of a car involved in an accident that killed three Morton youths Sunday says he did not see them early enough to avoid hitting them.

2.      Don't begin with a generality.

General Plans were being made today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.	Specific Cost estimates and blueprints were being drawn up today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant
General Work is progressing on a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.	Specific Grading has been completed and fences have been installed for a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.
General Professor Beth Carlisle spoke last night on the development of the French language.	Specific The purity of the French language spoken by Frenchmen themselves has deteriorated "profoundly" during this century, Professor Beth Carlisle told students at the monthly academic forum.

3.      Be wary of figures.

Before a crowd of 4,000, Fremont's Pathfinders trampled Roosevelt's Rough Riders 42-6 for the state high school football championship.

Figures must be placed in context. Is this a large crowd, or is the stadium only half full?

Inconclusive

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today.

Better

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today, 50 percent of the goal.

Also, don't slow the pace by overcrowding figures.

There are 3.5 million eligible voters in the state, of whom 1.7 million are over 18, yet only 391,000, or less than 25 percent, are registered to vote.

4.      Don't back into the lead.

Backing into the lead means the lead has not been written with the most important information first. In other words, the writer has not featured the feature. If a writer backs into the lead, the most important information is often near the end of the lead paragraph, when it should be first. Also, remember that news comes first, attribution second.

Not the greatest Dr. Robert P. Fowler, Southwestern University president, announced today that a medical school will be established on the campus next year.	Better A medical school will be established at Southwestern University next year, President Robert P. Fowler announced today.
Not the greatest According to Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, Navy seamen may henceforth sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair.	Better Navy seamen may now sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair, Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, announced today.

5.      Don't bury the lead.

Burying the lead is even worse than backing into the lead. Burying the lead means the writer places the major element several paragraphs down in the story.

Not the greatest

On Friday, May 19, and Saturday, May 20, the Valley League Championship Track Meet was held in Prarie Hill. Schools in the league are Monroe, Carlton, Williams, Newland, Littlefield, Evanston, Prairie Hill, and Corbett.

Prairie Hill's boys team placed third, scoring 103 points. Top scoring efforts on the team were put out by Tom Lawrence with 28.5 points and Syd Sidewell with 24 points.

The girls team placed fourth with 94 points. The girls team was strong in the distances with a one, two finish in the 1,500 meter and 3,000 meter.

Better

The boys' track team placed third with 103 points and the girls' team fourth with 94 points in the Valley League Championships held in Prairie Hill May 19-20.

6.      Avoid "question" leads.

The question lead is an overworked tool of the lazy writer. The reporter's job is to inform, not ask questions. The question lead works best if the article focuses on answering the question posed in the lead.

How can auto insurance rates be lowered?

The answer to that question will be sought at a public hearing conducted by the state insurance commissioner at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the council chamber in City Hall.

It's also best if it can be answered quickly.

Will Riverside annex the Brockhurst subdivision? The city council decided last night that the answer is "No."

It can, however, be used quite effectively, often with a feature approach.

What is born in dung, makes love in flight, has no sting, and doesn't travel before 10 in the morning? The love bug, that's what. The pesky, little, windshield-smearing, radiator-clogging love bug.

In Florida and other Gulf Coast states, love bugs are a semi-annual nuisance. This year they are like a plague. . .

7.      Avoid quotation leads.

Quotation leads, too, are cop-outs by lazy writers. Quotations rarely capture the essence of a news story in a succinct manner. Occasionally, however, a quote can provide a powerful opening:

"Dying is beautiful," Lyn Helton confided to her tape recorder, "even the first time around, at the ripe old age of 20."

She made the comments two months ago, as bone cancer sapped her strength.

For most instances, however, rather than relying on a quotation, a reporter's paraphrase can brighten, shorten and clarify what the source said:

Children are not cocktails that need shaking to be good, a physician warns.

8.      Beware of "phrase" leads.

Not the greatest

At a meeting of ASB officers yesterday, the president resigned because he plans to graduate and enter college early.

Better

ASB President Ken Marshfield resigned yesterday, announcing he plans to graduate early and attend college.

Be wary of phrases such as:

In a unanimous vote. . .
During the game. . .
During class. . .
At a cost of. . .
For the third time. . .
On the morning of. . .
At a meeting of. . .
According to. . .
It was announced that. . .

The phrase lead essentially forces the writer to back into the lead.

Story 1

Dr Michael Kai is a scientist with the Papua New Guinea Department of Primary Industry. He has been working for ten years on a project to breed larger pigs. One of his pigs, an adult male, has been weighed at 350 kgs. This is the heaviest pig ever to have been bred in Papua New Guinea. Mr Kai hopes to use this animal to breed other very large pigs.

Story 2

A school bus ran off City Road in Suva, narrowly missed an electricity pole and came to rest in a garden. Most of the bus windows were smashed. There were more than 30 children on the bus. They were going to Martyr School. It was a 36-seater bus. All the children escaped serious injury. Some of them jumped out of the bus and grazed themselves. Eye-witnesses said the children were helped from the bus screaming and shouting and in a state of panic. This happened this morning.