Monday, November 9 passive to active voice

A Brief Grammatical Refresher

The key to understanding passive voice lies in accepting the fact that it's strictly a grammatical term which relates to how sentences are constructed. A quick grammar brush-up might be useful here. Read over the following:

The subject of a sentence is, essentially, what the sentence is about. It's usually a person, place, or thing. In most sentences, the subject is either doing some sort of action or being described. Almost all of the time, the subject is at the very beginning of an English sentence. (e.g. "Bob is silly.")

The object of a sentence appears at the opposite end, always after the action in the sentence. It, too, is usually a person, place or thing, and in most sentences it's the person, place, or thing to which the action is being done (e.g. "I laughed at Bob."). Not all sentences have objects, of course—just look at "Bob is silly," above.


Verbs are action words. Sometimes they're just used to describe states of existence (e.g. "Bob is silly."), but in most sentences you write they'll be actions (e.g. "I laughed at Bob.")
Understanding passive voice really all comes down to verbs. Whenever you put a verb in a sentence (that is: all the time), you are using one of two kinds of "voice," which is really just a fancy way of saying that you're deciding how "to indicate the relation of the subject [of the sentence] to the action." (Definition quoted from OED Online).

Agency is also very important—it's what describes the parts of a sentence in relation to the action. Both the subject and the object can be either an agent (the thing doing the action) or a patient (the thing having the action done to it), in addition to being grammatical subject and object. So, for example, in the sentence "Bob hit John," Bob is the agent (he's hitting John), and John is the patient (he's being hit by Bob).
Now, on to passive voice.

A Concise Explanation of Passive and Active Voice

There are two types of voice in English: passive and active.
Active voice is the most common, and results when the subject of a sentence is also the agent. That is, when the subject is the person, place, or thing doing the action. So you might say, for example, "I hit John with a stick." That's in the active voice because you, the subject of the sentence, are also the agent—you are doing the action, hitting John with a stick. (John is the object, and also the patient, being hit.)

Passive voice, on the other hand, results when the object of the sentence is doing the action (or is the agent), and the subject is receiving it (or is the patient). To continue abusing John, we might say "John was hit with a stick." This is passive voice because John, the subject of the sentence, is the one being acted upon.

To spot passive voice, here's all you need to do:

Examine the relationship between the subject, object, and verb of a sentence. If the object is the thing doing the verb, the sentence is passive. If the subject is the thing doing the verb, the sentence is active.

Problems with Passive Voice

For the most part, you probably want to write in the active voice when possible. That's because sentences written in active voice are generally clearer, more direct, and more compact.

The main problems with passive voice, then, are as follows:

It can be wordy. A lot of the time, passive voice requires awkward, lengthy, convoluted sentences instead of short, punchy, straightforward ones. "I found Jim's body odour atrocious" will end up "Jim's body odour was found to be atrocious by me"—yikes!
Most of the time, moving passive voice sentences to active voice will tighten your prose, make it more readable, and as a result confuse your readers less.

It can be vague. Take our example sentence from above, "Bob was hit by a stick." With a sentence like that in your story, readers are going to be missing some important information: who was doing the hitting? Too much vagueness like this isn't only off-putting, but it can actually confuse your readers about what's going on so much that they'll have to either closely re-read the whole scene, or just give up and go read something else.
By moving vague passive voice constructions into active voice, you can make your story's action crystal clear.

It can lead to other grammatical errors. Know about "dangling modifiers"? These are "a word or phrase that modifies a word not clearly stated in the sentence" (Definition quoted from Purdue OWL). Most of the time, they're fine, but sometimes passive voice can mix with dangling modifiers to leave you with a sentence that doesn't quite say what you think it does.
The example the Purdue OWL gives is perfect: "Having finished the assignment, the TV was turned on." Unlike the active version of that sentence, "Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV," a passive voice version accidentally describes the TV as doing the assignment, not Jill.
Oops? When you have dangling modifiers, you may want to make sure you're using active voice in the main clause of the sentence, or you can accidentally ascribe actions to objects (and patients) instead of subjects (and agents).


In class: practice with active and passive tense.

Learning target: understanding and demonstrating the use of the active voice in lead writing.Remember that your leads are written in the active voice. Below is a review and practice examples. After reviewing the material, demonstrate that 
Active and Passive Voice

Summary: This examples below will explain the difference between active and passive voice in 

writing. It gives examples of both, and shows how to turn a passive sentence into an active one. Also, 

it explains how to decide when to choose passive voice instead of active.

Using Active Versus Passive Voice

In a sentence using active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action expressed in the verb.

 The arrow points from the subject performing the action (the dog) to the individual being acted upon (the boy). This is an example of a sentence using the active voice.

The subject performing the action described by the verb.

 The active voice sentence subject (watching a framed, mobile world) performs the action of reminding the speaker of something.
Active voice is used for most non-scientific writing.Using active voice for the majority of your sentences makes your meaning clear for readers, and keeps the sentences from becoming too complicated or wordy. Even in scientific writing, too much use of passive voice can cloud the meaning of your sentences.

 The action is performed upon the sentence subject, meaning this sentence is passive (indirect).

This is an example of the active voice because the sentence subject performs the action.

This is an example of the passive voice.

This is an example of an active voice sentence because the sentence subject performs the action.

Image Caption: This is an example of the passive voice.

 This is an example of an active voice sentence because its subject performs the action expressed in the verb.

Sentences in active voice are also more concise than those in passive voice because fewer words are required to express action in active voice than in passive.

This passive voice sentence is less concise than its active voice counterpart (shown below).

This active voice sentence requires fewer words to communicate the same idea as the passive voice version (above).

This passive voice sentence is more wordy than an active voice version.

This active voice sentence is more concise than the passive voice version (above) because the subject directly performs the action.

 

YOUR TURN    Due by midnight. Send along as a 

word document.

1. The school was struck by lightning.


2. This morning the burglar was arrested by the police.


3. One type of air pollution is caused by hydrocarbons.


4. An elaborate supper for the miners was prepared by Mr. Patel and his children.


5. The cookies were stolen by the Mad Hatter.


6. New York City's Central Park was designed in 1857 by F.L. Olmsted and Calbert Vaux.


7. It was decided by the court that the contract was invalid.


8. The first commercially successful portable vacuum cleaner was invented by a janitor who was allergic to dust.


9. After Leonardo da Vinci's death, the Mona Lisa was purchased by King Francis I of France.


10. The allegorical novel Animal Farm was written by British author George Orwell during World War II.
11. Before the semester was over, the new nursing program had been approved by the Curriculum Committee and the Board of Trustees.
12.  With five seconds left in the game, an illegal time-out was called by one of the players.
13. Later in the day, the employees were informed of their loss of benefits by the boss herself.
14. The major points of the lesson were quickly learned by the class, but they were also quickly forgotten by them.
15. For several years, Chauncey was raised by his elderly grandmother.
16. An unexpected tornado smashed several homes and uprooted trees in a suburb of Knoxville.
17. Participants in the survey were asked about their changes in political affiliation.
18. Tall buildings and mountain roads were avoided by Raoul because he had such a fear of heights.
19. "The Yellow Wallpaper" was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
20. I was surprised by the teacher's lack of sympathy.

Thursday / Friday November 5 and 4 rewriting leads

We are continuing with lead practice, so as to refine your skills and help with critically analyzing leads, the objective being to help you write a better news story. Take your time and read carefully. There are a total of 14 leads that need rewriting. Each section focuses on a different obstacle in writing an effective lead. 

As usual, send along. Due Friday, November 6 by midnight.

Condensing Lengthy Leads

Condense each of these leads to no more than two typed lines, or about 20 words.

1. 1. Roger Datolli, 67, of 845 Conway Road, a retired attorney and husband of Mayor Sabrina Datolli, who is serving her fourth term as mayor, was injured in a three-vehicle accident Thursday afternoon around 3:20 p.m. at the intersection of Warren and Davidson avenues, suffering a broken leg and several broken ribs when the car he was driving was struck broadside by a pickup truck driven by Jerry R. Harris, 31, of 2245 Broadway Ave., and then was pushed into the path of another vehicle.

1. 2. The city Planning and Zoning Commission met Thursday for its regularly scheduled  meeting and voted 3-2 to approve a joint plan by the citys Council of Government and the local Chamber of Commerce to renovate the core downtown business district by building a convention center and sports arena complex that will serve as a site for business meetings and conferences as well as possibly host a minor league hockey team on the Olympic-size ice rink planned for the site.

Using The Proper Sentence Structure

Rewrite the following leads, using the normal word order: subject, verb, direct object. Avoid starting the leads with a long clause or phrase. You may want to divide some of the leads into several sentences or paragraphs. Correct all errors.

1. 1. Wondering whether or not it was legally possible and if they could muster enough votes to support their desire to see changes implemented in the downtown historic section of the city, city council members Sandra Gandolf and Alice Cycler at the regular monthly city council meeting raised the issue of having the city's planning and zoning commission look into the possibility of creating a local board to oversee changes to buildings within the six-block downtown historic district.

1. 2. Because the victim contributed in large measure to his own death by refusing medical attention that might have saved his life after the incident, James K. Arico, the 47-year-old man accused of stabbing him in the chest during an argument seven months ago, was allowed to plead guilty to assault today and was sentenced to six months in the county jail. He had been charged with murder.

Emphasizing The News

Rewrite the following leads, emphasizing the news, not the attribution. Limit the attributions to a few words and place them at the end, not the beginning, of the leads.

1. 1. At a news conference held at the Department of Energy in Washington, D.C., Monday afternoon the head of the agency told reporters that the Senate's approval of a plan to dump nuclear waste material in the Nevada desert near Las Vegas  will provide a safe haven for  more than 77,000 tons of radioactive waste.

1. 2. Tracy Tibitts, Lisa Drolshagen and Dorothy Brayton, all members of the Delta Delta Delta sorority at Iowa State University, appeared in a local courtroom this morning and testified that the defendant, Steven House, appeared drunk when he got into his car to leave the party moments before he struck and killed the pedestrian.

Combining Multi sentence Leads

Rewrite each of the following leads in a single sentence, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. Mildred Berg, the former president of City College, is a professor of economics at the college now. Berg got a call Monday from David DeBecker, president of the Harrison County Board of Education. BeDecker offered Berg the job of superintendent of Harrison County Schools, a position Berg interviewed for two months ago.

1. 2. At 10:41 a.m., two police detectives saw two men enter Barneys Liquor Mart in the Oak Hill Shopping Center. The shopping center is located in the 1300 block of Oak Hill Avenue. The men were acting suspiciously. When the detectives entered the store to investigate, they saw one of the men pointing a gun at the clerk and the other taking money from the register. The officers pulled their weapons and shot the man with the gun. There have been seven robberies at the shopping center in the past month.

Stressing The Unusual

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. Terri Snow of 3418 Hazel St. is a nurse at Mercy Hospital. She is married to Dale Snow, a former eighth-grade science teacher at Mays Junior High School. Snow was crippled after a diving accident three years ago, when his arms and legs were paralyzed. He met his wife at the hospital, where he was a patient, and they were married last month. Now state officials have suggested that they get a divorce. Before his marriage, Snow received $345 a month from the states Department of Social Services and a monthly $792 federal Supplemental Security Income payment. Because of his wife's income, he is no longer eligible for the payments, and the couple says without the payments they cannot afford to pay for Snows continuing medical treatments and special diet. State officials have advised them that Snow will again become eligible for the aid if they get a divorce. The officials refused to talk to reporters, however.

1. 2. Cremation is rising in popularity. Nearly 30 percent of the people who die in your state are now cremated. The Funeral Directors Association in your state met at noon yesterday and discussed a growing problem. The ashes of nearly 50 percent of those people they cremate are never claimed by family members, friends or anyone else, so they are stored in the funeral homes, and the directors want to dispose of them but are uncertain of their legal right to do so. They voted to ask the state legislature to pass a bill that spells out disposal procedures. The bill they propose would require funeral homes to make every effort to settle with the family of the deceased the desired disposal method. Families would have up to 90 days to pick up the remains or to specify what they want done with them. After 90 days, the funeral homes would be free to get rid of them either by burying them, even in a common container (in a properly designated cemetery) or by scattering them at sea or in a garden, forest or pond.

Localizing Your Lead

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. The state Department of Transportation today announced plans for next year. It will spend a total of $418 million to build new roads and to improve old ones. The amount represents a $14.5 million increase over last years total. The money comes from a state gasoline tax amounting to 4 cents per gallon sold. The department allocates the money on the basis of need, with the most congested and dangerous areas receiving the most help. Included in the allocations for next year are $17.8 million, allocated to widen from two to four lanes state highway 17-92, which runs through the southeastern part of your city for a distance of approximately three miles. Construction work on the highway project is expected to begin in four months and to be completed within one and one-half years.

1. 2.Three persons have been killed in the crash of a single-engine plane. Police have identified the victims as Mr. and Mrs. Joel Skurow of Atlanta, Georgia, and Melville Skurow of 4138 Hennessy Court in your community. Joel and Melville are brothers. The plane, flown by Joel, crashed on the outskirts of Atlanta at 7:30 a.m. today. Cause of the crash is unknown. No one on the ground was injured. Friends said Melville Skurow was visiting his brother, an attorney in Atlanta. Skurow is a carpenter and was thirty-seven years of age. The plane, valued at $34,800, was fully insured.

Updating Your Lead

Write only the lead for each of the following stories, correcting errors if necessary.

1. 1. William MacDowell, 28, a house painter who lives at 1429 Highland Drive, is being tried for the murder of a cocktail waitress, Ethel Shearer. His trial opened last Thursday, and witnesses last Friday said a ring found in MacDowells home belonged to the murder victim. MacDowell took the stand today and said he knew the victim and had bought the ring from her for $60 for a girlfriend. If convicted, MacDowell could be sentenced to life in prison. He is currently on parole after spending 8 years in prison on an armed robbery charge.

1. 2. There was a grinding head-on collision on Cheney Road yesterday. Two persons were killed: Rosemary Brennan, 27, and her infant daughter, Kelley, age 2, both of 1775 Nairn Dr. The driver of the second car involved in the accident, Anthony Murray, 17, of 1748 North 3 Street, was seriously injured, with multiple fractures. Police today announced that laboratory tests have confirmed the fact that Brennan was legally drunk at the time of the accident.

Wednesday, November 4 Defining the modern news storyy: historical vs contemporary news writing

Defining the Modern News Story

Directions: please read the following news article.

The following newspaper article appeared in the Sacramento

 Daily Union on Nov. 13, 1857.

A man named Benjamin Hamilton was convicted before the

 Recorder some time since, and sentenced to pay a fine of $50 

and costs, for malicious mischief, in wounding a cow, the 

property of Mrs. Jones, who resides at the corner of P and Front 

streets.  A motion for new trial was subsequently granted, and 

the case re-tried before a jury yesterday, resulting in a verdict of 

guilty, and a recommendation that the defendant be fined $5 and

 costs, or be imprisoned 5 days.  The verdict was confirmed by 

the judgment of the Court, and the fine promptly paid.  The cow 

had been browsing on hay on the levee in the above vicinity, 

and was seen suddenly to run across the street, “lowing 

frantically,” with a hay hook sticking in her right shoulder, the

 defendant being in hot pursuit.  No one saw defendant commit

 the offense, but as he had been seen about that time at work at 

the hay, and turned from the pursuit when Mrs. Jones appeared

 at her door, the presumption of his guilt was probably deemed 

sufficiently strong to warrant his conviction.  The trial occupied 

considerable time — was warmly contested by counsel on either

 side, and the merits and demerits of circumstantial evidence 

were very fully discussed.

A.  How does this story differ from a contemporary report of a similar incident?

1857 News Story	Contemporary News  Story
1.	1.
2.	2.
3.	3.
4.	4.

B.   After reading the above article, write an effective lead.Before sending along, use the following criteria to evaluate your work..

• Are the 5 W’s and H stacked most important to least?
• Is the lead free of unattributed opinion?
• 30 words or fewer?
• Active voice?
• Free of unfamiliar proper nouns?
• redundancies

Monday, November 2 news leads continued

   
In class: lead quiz from reading posted last Thursday.
              New lead reading and practice sentences, which are due by the end of class on Tuesday, October 3

1. The Five W’s and H: Before writing a lead, decide which aspect of the story – who, what, when, where, why, how – is most important. You should emphasize those aspects in your lead. Wait to explain less important aspects until the second or third sentence.  
2. Conflict: Good stories have conflict. So do many good leads.

3. Specificity: Though you are essentially summarizing information in most leads, try to be specific as possible. If your lead is too broad, it won’t be informative or interesting.

4. Brevity: Readers want to know why the story matters to them and they won’t wait long for the answer. Leads are often one sentence, sometimes two. Generally, they are 25 to 30 words and should rarely be more than 40. This is somewhat arbitrary, but it’s important – especially for new journalists – to learn how to deliver information concisely. 

5. Active sentences: Strong verbs will make your lead lively and interesting. Passive constructions,on the other hand, can sound dull and leave out important information, such as the person or thing that caused the action. Incomplete reporting is often a source of passive leads.

6. Audience and context: Take into account what your reader already knows. Remember that in today’s media culture, most readers become aware of breaking news as it happens. If you’re writing for a print publication the next day, your lead should do more than merely regurgitate yesterday’s news.  

7.Honesty: A lead is an implicit promise to your readers. You must be able to deliver what you promise in your lead.

What to Avoid

1 Flowery Language- many beginning writers make the 

mistake of overusing adverbs and adjectives in their leads.

Concentrate instead on using strong verbs and nouns.


2.  Unnecessary words or phrases: Watch out for unintentional redundancy. For example, 2 p.m. Wednesday afternoon, or very unique. You can’t afford to waste space in a news story, especially in the lead. Avoid clutter and cut right to the heart of the story.
3. Formulaic leads: because a lot of news writing is done on deadline, the temptation to write tired leads is strong. Resist it. Readers want information, but they also want to be entertained. Your lead must sound genuine, not merely mechanical.

4. It: Most editors frown on leads that begin with the word it, because it is not precise and disorients the reader.  Professional writers understand the need for clear, concise prose. An industry standard for helping work place writers achieve user-centered, persuasive  and clear prose is the Paramedic Method. When you use the Paramedic Method, you will reduce your word count by eliminating passive voice and redundancies.  The Paramedic Method is an easy to learn systematic way to make your sentences more persuasive and user-centered

Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)

Draw a box around the "is" verb forms.

Ask. "Where's the action?"



Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom)




Eliminate any unnecessary, slow wind-ups.



Eliminate any redundancies.

1. \

1. Read the following and correct

   1.Use an ACTIVE verb with a clear SUBJECT—put the subject first:

         An account was opened by Mrs. Simms

1. 
   
   2. Squeeze long verb phrases into single ACTIVE verbs:

   The departure of the fleet is thought to be

   
   

   necessarily conditional on the weather. 

2. 
   
3. Avoid "shun" words—nominalization


My recommendation is for a larger budget. 


4. Revise all "expletive" sentences beginning with "there is" or "there

are" or "this is."


 There is a certain possibility that Joe will visit before




 Thanksgiving. 


5 Shift verbs to the positive from the negative:


Do not accept bids that are not signed. 



Assignment : Due by Tuesday at the close of class

Rewrite the following sentences, applying the above 

reading. 


1. The decision was made by my boss yesterday.

1. 
   
   2. Their motives were applauded by us, but their wisdom was doubted.
   
   
   3. The meeting was coordinated by Doug in Paul's absence.
   
   
   4. Even when the sun is hidden and the sky is speckled with stars, the heat lingers, hanging motionless in the air.
   
   
   5. There were ten students in Mrs. Robinson's class.
   
   
   6. It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
   
   
   7. Controlling the quality and level of television shows that children watch is a continuing challenge to parents that they must meet on a daily basis.
   
   
   8. Your figures were checked by the research department.
   
   
   9. My recommendation is for a larger budget.
   
   
   10. It is essential that we act immediately.
   
   
   11. Please take into consideration my offer.
   
   
   12. Our disposal procedure is in conformity with federal standards.
   
   
   13. We are currently in the situation of completing our investigation of all aspects of the accident.
   
   
   14. There are many women who never marry.
   
   
   15. The fact of the matter is that machines merely amplify worker's abilities and exist only as they are able to do the bidding of workers effectively.
   
   
   16. There are people that have the impression that Spanish is our first language, and English is a second.
   
   
   17. There was a bonfire going, and some music playing in the background, but not very many people were dancing.
   
   
   18. The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.
   
   
   19. It is our hope that you will find these changes mutually beneficial for yourself and your students.
   
   
   20. The impact of the shortage of paper in the publishing industry is that it is not a short term problem but will be with us for some time to come and can seriously affect the number of books produced by the industry.